How long is a fitness journey?? (Den)

Have you ever heard of a “vegangelical?” What a funny little term. It’s applied to vegans who have placed themselves on a high horse and snub their noses at all the “poor, confused, and ignorant” carnivores and ovo-lacto (egg & milk) vegetarians. I don’t want to be veganelical. In fact, I’ll be the first one to tell you that I fall off the vegan-wagon and eat dairy (generally less than once a week), and I eat my own hen’s eggs whenever I feel like it…and, guess what? – Insert Gasp Here – sometimes (albeit rarely), I eat meat.

The fact is, though, as a society, we eat too much darn meat. A good dietician will tell you that a serving is 3-4 oz of lean meat…you know, the ol’ size of a deck of cards thing. Boy, that looks small sometimes, right? Being consciously aware of the small portion allocated to us by these dieticians, who can justify eating that huge cheeseburger? The same goes for all that dairy. It was easy to be an ovo-lacto vegetarian. More CHEESE if you please…and here I am, a fat vegetarian! But, speaking from the position of someone who has virtually eliminated dairy, I’ve found that the change has pushed me towards eating more produce. Frankly, I never had room for those veggies before!

I’m making an effort to change the way I approach life. I’m making small steps towards improving my body. Taking two steps forward, then one step back, still results in forward progress. I’ll get there sooner or later. I want to keep refining my program, tweaking it just here and there until I feel comfortable and happy with it. I want to limit my soy intake, eliminate GMO foods, drink more fresh juices, move towards buying more organic produce, etc. They are just little steps, but like my weight-loss, little changes can result in big improvements as time passes. If you are reading this, then you probably want to make little changes, too – your own list of little changes. This is a fitness journey where the map unfolds as we travel down the path. There are struggles, and pitfalls, and mountains to climb. If you take one step back, you have not landed back where you started; you are just one step away from moving forward again.

Rough week....kinda....(Kori)

I have had some successes this week and some goals not reached.

First, I work in a stressful environment that tends to be reactive instead of proactive. It's something I am working on. My position is newly created so it is still morphing and redesigning . Hope to have it nailed down soon. I love what I do and the people I work with so it makes the unsettled times bearable and sometimes fun. I do love a challenge.

Unfortunately, this sometimes messes with my workout plans. Some days I can go the gym at work and get my 30 minutes, other times, like this week, I barely move from my desk except to attend the gazzilion meetings that get scheduled when things are in chaos mode. I work late, which means I eat late, which then means I don't get enough sleep. Hence a 1 pound weight loss.

Some positives for my week were, I attended the Win to Lose at my office and learned a lot as well as connected with other people around campus who are trying to lose weight as well. Now when we see each other, we can ask how each of us is doing and encourage. Also, I met with my health counselor last night. She had me set 1 month, three month and six month goals. I enjoyed that these were all goals not centered around weight loss but instead around being healthy and balanced. However, I do know these things will result in weight loss.

Overall I feel good. I am on the verge a big milestone for me.....I started this process at 321 pounds, I am only 5 ounces from being under 300. I tend not to share my weight with people, although they know I am fat just by looking at me. Don't know why I delude myself that way. I have decided to remove that and tell the world, or however many readers we have :), how much I really weigh. So today I weigh 300.4 pounds!!!! I will be under 300 next week and my promise to myself is to never return to the 300's. I love myself and my family too much to keep risking my life.

I want to thank Denice, who is going through a rough time, for sticking to it and trying to remain positive. This is what it's about. Self awareness, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses and remaining committed to ourselves. You go girl!!! Love ya.

Week 5: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I was shocked when I got on the scale and discovered I had lost 1.5 pounds this week. It is a bittersweet loss, because I was not a faithful dieter this week. In a perfect dieter world, this is the weight I should have lost last week, and I should have gotten the zero loss on this week.

EXERCISE:  My back is still very messed-up. I only managed to do a 40 minute workout one time, and that hurt the back even more! I wake-up hurting, and I go to bed hurting. I think I’ve damaged a nerve, because the pain comes out the back, but also goes down through the hip and across the front of my thigh. I’m going to be very patient with this injury. I think it may take several weeks to heal properly. Hopefully, I can start integrating some short walks and arm-weight exercises for now.

REWARDS: No news on this front. 8 pounds to go for the next reward!

FOOD: It’s been a battle. Some days, I win; some days, I lose. It’s been a rough week. Our truck broke down, me and my son caught nasty colds, and then the whole back thing. The stress and pain has given me unjust cause to graze, although I’m not actually hungry. Once I’ve eaten something off my program, my brain tells me, “Well, you’ve already messed-up. Let’s eat!” And then I’m off looking for more ways to sabotage myself. But I see the trend, and I’ve staved off the feelings more than once this week, so I’m proud of that. I have a feeling I will make many discoveries about myself over the next several months. Eating my way through STRESS seems to be one of my problems, so I need to focus on stress reduction techniques and managing my cravings when they surface. I’m looking forward to this new week, as I am integrating some juices to the program. Love my juicer, and can’t believe I haven’t been utilizing it lately!

Thanks, but can I trade this week in for a new one? (Den)

What a week. I hate to even begin this mid-week post. Ya know, I want to be positive and upbeat, so that makes me want to hold back from writing my struggles. But that is part of the problem. Life really does just keep happening, and pretending that all is well is sometimes a mistake. So, I'm gonna share these tidbits, but just know that I am not discouraged. I am not done retrieving my health. I am, though, in a holding pattern.

I hurt my back a week ago, and that has proven fatal to exercising. I managed to get a 40 minute low-impact workout done, only to discover that by evening I was felt horrible. My back did not enjoy its reinitiation to exercise. It made my sciatic nerve issue flare-up, and my back, hips, and right leg have a constant dull, deep pain. Sciatica usually takes about two weeks to fade away on me, and exercise will reaggrevate it...so I've taken to doing only arm workouts with weights. Maybe I can get some biceps going!

Our truck broke down, again. So, we are limited to a single vehicle. That stinks because my son and I are generally pretty active during the week, but my husband needs my Jeep for work. We are 15 miles from town, so bike riding down the highway really is not an option for me and the kiddo. No matter anyway, because Colton and I have come down with nasty colds! Feeling sorry for myself encouraged me to a big, fat, dark chocolate bar that my mom sent me for my birthday...which gave me a ton of guilt, but also made me feel like, "well, I already blew it," so I ate a big dinner, too. UGH. Enough of this week. I'm ready for a new one. I hope next week is better! I don't know if I even want to get on the scale this Saturday! OK. Done venting. I'm gonna trudge on through this, weigh-in Saturday, and start a fresh, new week. :)

Life......(Kori)

My life is very busy and this week has proven to be challenging for me. I did lose 3 pounds and I am proud of that but I was not good about preparing my food as well as I have been. More processed foods and quick throw together meals have been on the menu this week.

I am grateful that this afternoon I have time and I am preparing a couple of meals for the week and some things for Sam and I and the kids for lunches.

I did take a positive step by purchasing an extra pair of tennis shoes for the house since I now have a bag at work. This way I always have shoes for the gym. I figure each excuse I eliminate leads to better health for me.

I am beginning to research more natural foods that help with healing the body. I think I am going to start growing wheat grass. Also, I meet with my holistic health counselor next week and we will map out my first cleanse of her program. Looking forward to that.
So, on to a new week and a positive attitude.

Week 4: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I won’t lie to you…It was disappointing to hop and the scale and lose NOTHING this week. I know, I know…stay strong, it’s okay. I’m just keeping it really honest, though…I was hoping for 2 pounds. I stayed on my program, and I felt like I deserved more love from that hunk of metal that I call my scale! Well, no matter. If I eat well and exercise, the scale will cooperate at some point – it had better cooperate next week or we are going to see how strong my arms have gotten because I’m going launch that thing out the window!

EXERCISE:  Another bummer for this week. I injured myself doing my new TaeBo DVD – “Cardio Explosion.” Too bad that the only thing that really exploded was my back! Apparently, a forty-something year old woman who is still 105 pounds overweight is not fit to do a spinning back-kick while focus-punching in the opposite direction! Too many muscles going too many ways! I am feeling better, so don’t feel too bad for me. But I had to take a few days off my planned exercise schedule. Still, I managed to get 260 minutes of cardio done this week.

REWARDS: I received my immersion blender (and obviously, I received my exercise DVDs, too!). I haven’t used it yet. After I injured my back, I could barely move for a couple of days and have not been cooking. Although I have stayed in my calorie range, I miss being in the kitchen making dinners and such. I’m hoping to get back in there this week.

FOOD:  I wound up eating a lot of pre-prepared frozen stuff, or quickly thrown-together meals. That’s not the way that I want to run this lifestyle change, but ya know, life happens and we have to adapt sometimes. On a good note, I turned down a ton of stuff this week: My son brought me a piece of a cake, and I had a bite and gave it away (along with the lemonade); went to McDonald’s and had a couple of side salads with an unsweetened ice tea; passed up the donut counter even though my son got a huge éclair-like thingy (I had a Krispy Kreme donut last weekend which I planned for and included in my log); and, I did not have a single Cheetoh from the bag my mom sent to my kid. Yes, I had that little tortilla binge early in the week, but I’ve recovered well and I’m proud of that.

NEXT WEEK’S OUTLOOK: So, not my best week thus far, but still a good week considering the spinal blowout. I’m still optimistic -- just a little busted up and bummed out. 

Anniversary Weekend (Kori)

So, I was a bit nervous because it was our 24th anniversary and we were going to celebrate. In the past this celebration would have included a ton of food, no exercise and a bit too much wine. Instead, we discussed ahead of time how we were going to keep ourselves on track and help each other. The timing was good because I had just met with the health counselor and was very motivated. We approached it as a start to our next healthy year together.

We started by having brunch with his family who I enjoy very much. I escaped the basket of baked goodies and went straight for the fruit and yogurt that was very fresh and yummy. Then moved on to the main course where I had two eggs and prime rib has (no hashbrowns). I was satisfied and I got to enjoy the company of my family.

Then.......we went to the gym!!!! That is a first for us. We have never added the gym into our "off"day. I am so proud of us. Then we had an enjoyable evening alone in a hotel room with a gynormous bathtub, in which I soaked two times. We ate well, played games and laughed. It was a wonderful time to reconnect after a very busy couple of months. Oh yeah and I got diamond earrings!

The next morning we got up and went to the breakfast bar. They had waffles, muffins, bagels and I had a moment of panic. Nothing I could eat......so I wiped the drool off, stepped back and looked again. They had whole wheat toast and tablespoon size peanut butter, I skipped the jelly because they all had high sugar content, scrambled eggs, 2% milk and fruit. So that's what I had and I felt great.
Then......we went to the gym AGAIN!!!!!

It was awesome, we came home refreshed, proud of ourselves and relaxed. We made whole wheat tortilla pizzas with the kids and played games. All around it was wonderful and I feel very optomistic about my life, my illness and my ability to have a healthy life.

The Dreaded Binge (Den)

Well, mark this “FIRST” off of my list. You know the one. There’s always a FIRST: first time you break your diet, first time you skip your workout, first time you gain a pound, etc. For me, I needed to get this first binge out of the way. Unfortunately, I know the symptoms of the binge eating nightmare. This time, my binge consisted of one low-carb flour tortilla, three corn tortillas, 1/3 can of refried beans, some lettuce, and some salsa. Doesn’t sound bad, right? As a matter of fact, it didn’t even put me over my calorie limit for the day. But, make no mistake -- it was a binge.

An eating binge is an out-of-control, unexpected indulgence. I nearly inhale my food (making sure no one sees me) and then take measures to hide the evidence afterward. It’s horrible, really. I was just fortunate that a chocolate cake was not in my path!! But, the out of control nature of my tortilla eating was certainly reminiscent of past behaviors. I couldn’t have stopped stuffing those tortillas in my face if my life depended on it!!

Anyway, this blog isn’t about beating myself up; it’s about journaling and exploring how to recover from a lifetime of poor habits. So, let me share the circumstances of the binge. We went hiking (a long, inspiring hike), and then out to a midday Japanese lunch. I had tea, veggie sushi, miso, and tempura veggies. Delicious. But, by 6pm, I was hungry again…it had been at least 3 hours since my lunch. I should have just sat down, planned a meal, and ate. But I was lazy, and waited until 7pm. By then, I was ravenous, and that’s the perfect storm for binge eating. Open frig, insert food. Game over.

I won’t promise that’s my last binge. As a matter of fact, I never make promises…ever…period. But, I will say this: I see what went wrong and I know what inspired this binge, and I will try to not let those circumstances happen again. I’m just going to take a deep breath and learn how to move forward even when my old habits rear their ugly heads. I’m chopping down the weeds, just one at a time; it will take a while to clear the forest. So, yes, I’ll check off that first binge, but I’m also going to check off my first binge recovery.

WEEK 3: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  Allow me to happily shout BYE-BYE to another 1.5 pounds! I’m super stoked about these pounds, because I am now past the 20 pounds lost mark. I expected the loss to slow; it would be nice to lose 5 pounds a week, but it is surely unrealistic and not sustainable. Plus, I’m exercising quite a bit, and I just KNOW I’m developing muscles underneath this flab layer…they will surface before too long! It will be like taking off a big sweater and finding a curvy, muscle gal underneath.

EXERCISE:  I moved weigh days to Saturday because of my exercise schedule. I generally don’t workout on Friday or Sunday (because we’ve been hiking on Saturday). But starting-out the week with both of my non-workout days on the chart was a little depressing. Now, I start on Saturday with a hike, take Sunday off, and still have one more available day off. We hiked almost 5 miles this past Saturday, and I had a total of 295 minutes of aerobic cardio exercise this week.  

REWARDS:  Well, I’ve hit my “20 POUNDS LOST” mark, so I’m due for my reward! Todd bought me a hydration backpack last week. Now, all three of us have one. So, my reward needed to be something else...hey, a gift can’t count as my reward, right?! I ordered three workout videos – 2 TaeBo, and 1 Biggest Loser Cardio. And, I also get an immersion blender to make my world famous, vegan “refried” beans and some of the yummy soup recipes in Veganomicon (an awesome gift for the vegan in your life!).

FOOD:  I don’t have any complaints in this department. I have been eating all the time, I don’t feel deprived, and the boys have even started eating vegetarian every now and then. I’ve started tweaking my goals since I’ve gotten used to being back on the program…just doing some fine tuning. I’m faithfully recording on a daily basis:

- Calories <1500/day (usually 1200-1300) 
- Carbs at 35 net carbs per meal or less (carbs - fiber = net carbs) 
- Fiber at 20+g/day 
- Fat <50g/day 
- Saturated Fat <10g day
- Eat at least every 3 hours 

That’s it for this week! Bring it on…I’m ready for another one! YEAH BABY!

Health Counselor (Kori)

So, I went and met with a friend of mine who is a health counselor and we spent an hour talking about the food I eat, my lack of exercise and what my goals are. As I was talking to her I realized how much I have already begun to change and that I just need to keep up the momentum. I also made my way to the gym at work today, which was very encouraging. I will do it again tomorrow. I have two coworkers who are joining me. This weekend my husband and I are celebrating our 24 year anniversary and for once we did not plan it all around food. We are going to meet some family for brunch one day but then we are going to the gym. I know that this is going to be a struggle every day but my goal is for it to be less of a struggle each day.

Week two weigh in (Kori)

Sorry it took me so long to get this posted, I have been swamped and literally have only checked my email for the last few days. Usually I roam the internet, Facebook, etc...
So I lost 2.7 lbs at my weigh in on Saturday. I signed up for the Win to Lose program at work and tomorrow I meet with a holistic health counselor. I also begin working out with coworkers tomorrow. I feel like it has been a very successful week and I am proud of where I am headed. My blood sugars are leveling and I am finding I can eat less and be okay with that. Here's to another week of feeling great and motivated.

Shema (Den)

Whenever I attend church, my pastor has a funny little tradition of asking the congregation to recite the Jewish Shema (from Deuteronomy 6:4) with a little Christian twist: “Shema Yisrael, Adonai Elehanu, Adonai Echad; Hear o’ Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One; Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself. Amen.” Christians will likely recognize that Jesus spoke similar words (Matt. 22:37-39). This post is meant to take a look at the bold and underlined area, which at first, appears to be two commands – love God, love your neighbor. But I would like to propose that there are, in fact, three commands – you must also love yourself. If you do not know how to love yourself, you will fall short of loving your neighbor and your God.

What does that have to do with being fat? Well, I asked myself that very question. I don’t think I really have been loving myself in these last couple of decades. When I overeat, I am not loving myself. What am saying here…God doesn’t love fat people. NO! Of course I am not saying that. What I am saying, however, is that I do things to myself that I would NEVER do to my neighbor or my God. I eat too much and then feel guilty, sad, ugly, self-loathing, self-defeating, and self-destructive. I make all sorts of excuses for my poor behavior, and I often push my own care into the future. “I can start that diet and exercise tomorrow, for today I feast!” Then, tomorrow doesn’t come, and I am in the same spiraling cycle of destruction.

Now, I’ve asked myself. Should I love my neighbors as I love myself? I don't think that is in harmony with the Shema. I would never intentionally tear-down someone’s self-esteem like I do to my own self. I would never tell someone to delay feeling well and whole. I hope, rather, that I would encourage that person, love that person, and do whatever I could to help that person. I would motivate, uplift, share that person’s struggle. I would do anything for the ones I love. For my son, I would die. Yet, through my hideous eating habits, my ten year old son - love of my life - has learned to be like me. If I had known how to love myself, then surely I could have loved him better and not shared my destructive habits with him.

So, in honor of this epiphany, I say this:

                Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind;

                Love your neighbor with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind;

                Love yourself with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind;

God dwells in all of us, and loving others and ourselves is the reflection of loving God.

Here’s to a powerful and inspired week of meeting goals, challenges, and opportunities with faith, love, and understanding!

Crazy Week (Kori)

So this week has been a struggle, not so much with food, but I had hoped to be more active. Of course, this is the week I got slammed at work and had to put in overtime. I did however walk instead of drive all over campus and it will interesting to see how that reflects on the scale. Tomorrow is weigh in day. I got a new scale. Will post tomorrow.......

WEEK 2: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  Yeah Baby! That’s what I’m talking about…4 more pounds GONE for a total of 19 pounds! Losing pounds, however, is not the most important thing; that honor belongs to exercise and effort, but when those are going well, the weight loss seems to follow right along. And that is a great feeling. I am also officially working on “NEW” weight – after hitting the 18 pounds-lost mark, I was back where I fell off the wagon in the Fall. Looking for 1-2 pounds a week now, and anything else will be a bonus.

EXERCISE:  I busted my backside this week! We hiked on Saturday for three hours (that’s the picture above). Then I power-walked two other days, and did 30 minute aerobic bike routines for two more days (for a total of 14 miles), and topped those off with 5 minutes each of sit-ups and half-push-ups (can’t do a full push-up…yet). In addition, I am not asking anyone to hand me things anymore. I get myself off the couch and get things my own dog-gone self! And I am happy to report that the family is still going strong! Proud to see them putting in the effort with me! YAY FAMILY!

REWARDS:  I did indeed get the State Parks Pass for my first “10 pounds lost” reward. We hit Enchanted Rock State Park and hiked, and hiked, and hiked. We are off to Government Canyon this weekend. Next week – week 3 – I may earn my “20 pounds lost” reward, and I am trying to decide if I want the heart-rate monitor watch, a water-toter backpack, an immersion blender, or a food scale. Oh man, I just don’t know which to pick! I’m leaning toward the waterpack, because I really need it for all the hikes. I have to choose wisely, because my weight loss is going to slow down now, and my “30 pounds lost” reward will take many weeks.

FOOD:  I wrote my last blog entry on being “VegDen,” and that is working fabulous for me. I’m still faithfully tracking food intake on the myfitnesspal.com site. OK…I could be their spokesperson at this point…but I’m really impressed with them! Their database is huge, and it’s really working for me. Dieting is affecting my subconscious now: I had a funny dream where my brain got out a piece of paper and told me, “Write this down,” and I wrote FIBER and CARBOHYDRATES. Then Brain said, “Remember it when you wake up,” and I woke up immediately. “Woah,” I thought, “Way too much dieting goin’ on!” LOL!

"Modified" Vegan...VegDen! (Den)

I have my own way of looking at things, and because I struggle with the demands of veganism, I've decided that I am going to be "VegDen" instead of "Vegan." :)

[Weekends Optional]  Saturday and Sunday are optional vegan days for me. I LOVE CHEESE! Life without cheese just seems intolerable. So, that's the first thing about being VegDen. Does that mean I get to go hog-wild on the weekend? No, of course not. I still have to stay in my dietary restraints. One of those restraints is a maximum of 10g of Saturated Fat per day. That means that a cheese binge is definitely out, but a slice of cheese pizza is in...and I LOVE PIZZA!

[Eggs]  Next thing about being VegDen has to do with eggs. I have four hens in my yard for a reason - I LOVE EGGS, and I get a lot of protein from them. Eating MY HENS' EGGS is definitely in, but eating eggs from unknown sources is out. My chickens get plenty of sunshine, love, and yummy food like organic oats, cucumbers, watermelon rinds, old fruit that didn't get eaten...I have even been known to buy groceries specifically for my babies. Cacciatore, Jambalaya, Sunshine, and Hoody are beloved (yes, I was vegetarian when I named them, so two of their names were just for fun - I want to get a white hen and name her Alfreda). I don't feel bad eating eggs that I know come from well-cared for birds.

[Carbs and Protein]  Being VegDen is a much better choice for myself because of my carbohydrate restrictions. I only eat about 25 net carbs per meal, so I cannot rely on heavy carb sources of protein like beans & rice. When I am strict vegan, most protein comes from seeds and nuts, not carb combos. That means that I struggle to get 20+ grams of protein per day (I like to shoot for 30g). Adding my chickens' eggs and opening two days to vegetarianism, ensures the weekly protein needs are met.

*** "Viva la VegDen!" ***

New Year, New View (Kori)

I am feeling very good these days. I have been keeping my numbers low and the weight is coming off. I do need to include more exercise but being in the darkest, coldest part of the year has been a challenge. I am hoping the "Lose to Win" program helps inspire me in this area.

I had my first big challenge yesterday, we ate out two times. The first was lunch with my husband which went well, then I had a dinner board meeting which also went well. I made good choices that left me feeling satisfied but my blood sugars and calories stayed in range. Pat on the back :).

So begins a new week and a new year.