Updates for Week 15 (Den)

A really great week! Colton’s schooling has gone remarkably well, and my folks gave us a really awesome gift that will make my life so much better; I spent days at the zoo, the park, the museum, hiking, exercising. I even donated some of my old “fat” clothes. I tried on the shorts that I wore all last summer, and they didn’t fit at all. I could actually pull them off without unzipping them! Trying on my old clothes has given me some extra motivation. I think that I might be back into my size 18s in the next few weeks…I’m getting really close! At my highest weight, I was a 24 (borderline 26), so it will be awesome to officially drop out of the 20s.

I announced to the boys that when I come off this cleansing program in three weeks – when I start integrating some of the things I’ve totally eliminated – I will not prepare meat for them at dinner. If they want meat, they can have it for lunch, or eat it when we go out for dinner, but I’ll be cooking vegan for them and me. They took the news very well, and while I expect there will be a certain amount of hesitation, I think they can tolerate the “ordeal.” I guess you could say that I’m going to force their support! OK, so sue me, LOL!

I’ve been working out pretty consistently. The pain in my side feels much better. It’s not gone, but I hardly notice it, and I hope that is a good sign that I am healing from whatever has been bothering me. I’m overall impressed with my results this week: I feel good! Really, that’s the only measure of success right now, and I'll take it.

Kori update

I forgot to update Saturday because I literally ran from morning till night. I lost 4 oz this week and it took me from the the 280's to the 270's. I have been overly busy and a bit stressed and I can feel it. I am proud that I have been eating well, even on the most busy days. No fast food, no stuffing my mouth with whatever I can reach. I have continued to be conscious of what I eat and how it makes me feel. I am proud of Den for restructuring her plan and getting back on it. Hang in there. Love you.

No weigh day! (Den)

I still have not jumped on the scale, although I will confess that I was sorely tempted the other day! My mom called after she saw this picture of me, and said that I really looked as though I had lost some weight, and she wanted to know how much. I told her that I didn’t know since I hadn’t gotten on the scale in weeks, and didn’t plan on weighing for several more. She said it was “stupid” not to weigh for so long, but I disagree. I’ve been doing so much better since I stopped fretting over that scale! Weigh day has always been about excuses for me…an excuse to eat out if I did well, and an excuse to beat myself up (and eat!) when I do poorly. Now, my only gauge of progress is the way my clothes fit, and that is working just fine.

We all have to try on different things while we go through this process. No single plan is going to fit everybody. Everyone has different needs, and I respect that. Doing something “different” freaks people out. I don’t know why. But the hardest thing in life is to figure out what YOU have to do, and not what OTHERS should be doing. The weight…the obesity (I hate that word!)…is not about food. It’s about your mind, your personal history, your physical and spiritual needs. Eating and being fat – at least for the obese – is just a symptom. One can treat the symptoms (diet and lose weight), but the underlying issues won’t go away without some deeper, more complex changes. That is what I am trying to do…mentally refocus and learn what triggers MY eating.

Updates for Week 14 (Den)

Another good week…I think. I don’t really have any "proof." I haven’t weighed, and I haven’t measured any of the food that I’m eating, or counted any calories. I’m two weeks into the “experiment” with myself, and I have to say that my Sabotaging Mind tries to fight me (the logical one) all the time. Sabotaging Mind wants to get on the scale; it really wants proof that I know what I’m doing! But I am denying myself, because I need to learn something really critical from the experiment. I need to learn how to trust myself. I figured that out this week. I don’t trust myself.

What I don’t need is more nutritional training. I know the protein count on almost everything, I know high fiber from low, which starches are high on the glycemic index, what contains saturated fat, how many calories to eat per day, how much the recommended guidelines are for almost every stinking food that I put in my mouth. But, I still don’t trust myself. Sabotaging Mind says, “You better weigh! You are probably gaining weight doing this crazy experiment! You are wasting 6 weeks on this silly idea!”…“You better measure that! You can only have a quarter cup of those nuts!”…“You can’t trust yourself. Look! You’re fat! And you’re gonna ‘trust’ yourself!”

I second guess myself all the time. But not weighing and measuring has given me some freedom. I’m still watching what I eat…and I know that I’m not all willy-nilly binging and stuffing myself. I’m being very careful. I mean after all, it’s my own self-trust that’s at stake. If I get on the scale after 6 weeks and don’t lose my 10  pounds, then Sabotaging Mind was right all along…I really can’t trust myself! But, if I get on and the scale says, “Yay! Job well done! You’re 225!” then I guess I need to have a long talk with that self-doubting, untrusting, manipulative, heckling Sabotaging Mind of mine. For another four weeks, though, we’ll just keep bickering with each other.

Cleansing and more cleansing! (Den)

I’ve been working out every day this week, albeit not too long or too hard since I am just moving back into this phase of my plan. My abdomen doesn’t feel great, and there is still a nagging pain down on the right side. But whether it’s an ovarian cyst, a ruptured small intestine, bladder cancer, or an alien probe, I can’t just sit around and let it stop me from my fitness goals. I don’t think the pain is any worse when I work out, so I’ll just keep plugging along.

I’ve fallen into a nice rhythm with my cleansing program. It doesn’t seem nearly as hard as it did the first few days. I have found that I actually will NOT die if I don’t have coffee, iced tea, gluten, refined sugar, processed foods, etc. I pretty much live on fruits, veggies, and nuts for now (but not peanuts). It’s not really sustainable for me, though. I never thought it would be. I needed to clean out my bowels to see if I could shake this pain out. I’m dedicated to finishing what I’ve started now that it doesn’t feel as difficult. When I finish my 6 weeks, I’ll decide what I want to do about adding things back into my diet.

The boys both said that they noticed my face had lost weight over these past two weeks. Man, I hope that is a good sign of a happy scale moment when I finish!

Saturday Weigh In (Kori)

This is my first post in a while since I have been on vacation. I feel fantastic!!! I have continued to lose weight and I have hit the 40 pound mark! I did very well on vacation with eating and exercise. I had a wonderful time with my husband and we reconnected in a way that was amazing. I really am grateful for him. I come home from this refreshing trip with a renewed energy and vision of what I need to do. I purchased my next goal outfit so I have something else to work toward.
Happy Saturday everyone!

Week 14 Updates (Den)

I’ve been completely on-track this week. I have denied myself a good number of things, and I feel better for it. Many people tell us that we shouldn’t deny ourselves, but frankly, I think I would do well to deny myself a lot more! I am a creature of lazy luxury. I want to laze around and indulge in whatever my mind says it wants. If it wants a half gallon of ice cream, well then, where’s the spoon?! I mean, gee whiz, I wouldn’t want to “deny” myself.

I’ve noticed that my nose is working overtime. I smell the yummy food that Colton and Todd eat (which seems to be ALL THE TIME), and I want to rip my hair out and run the other way because the temptation is so great. I think I am waking up to the fact that I fell off this program because the boys were no longer supporting me. True, they kept encouraging me, but they didn’t adhere to the “plan” and that made it harder for me, and I gave-up. It’s not their fault; but, eating better has to be a FAMILY priority. Now, I have to walk the road alone (but I hope to inspire them through my actions). I have to figure out the way to move forward, because the boys can’t lead me where I need to go.

I haven’t weighed; I won’t weigh. Oh man, it’s killing me. But, I want to take these next five weeks to really test myself in this respect. I have to get past the “diet” mentality. I stopped counting calories, too. I’m just living the way that I think I am supposed to live. It seems like such a monumental thing to let go of the tracking, logging, measuring, and weighing. I DON’T think giving up logging and tracking is for everybody. I think it is for ME, because I’m obsessed with it, and that can’t be good. I hope I can stick to this part of my commitment. 

Den's Update

I didn’t update last week. Boo on me. Frankly, I’ve been a bit of butt. I am half-butting this weight-loss lately, and I know that I am. I let little things dissuade me from keeping on track. I think that if I have done well for a day or two, I am somehow entitled to a “day off.” That is old diet thinking right there. I have a list of excuses a mile long! I have evaluated those excuses and decided that while some are truly valid reasons for not exercising, they fall apart in regards to eating. I don’t have a single good excuse as to why I should eat poorly!

Anyway, I am making some really radical changes right now. Not just with weight-loss, but with how I run my life. I’m organizing better for Colton’s schooling, I am writing again (trying for a couple of hours a day), and I am going to try and get my previous year’s taxes done (so I can do the current ones!). I have started the project, but it’s overwhelming as 2010 was a rough year for us, and the taxes are pretty messy. But, I have started! Anyway, all of this is my attempt to forego the excuses that I love to make.

I have also decided to not live for my scale. When I gain, I have an excuse to eat; when I lose, I have an excuse to eat. I have decided not to weigh again until May 16th. Yes, May 16^th. It is the deadline I have placed upon myself for some other things, so why not weigh-in on that day as well. If I do well, stick to my plans, and focus, I should be solidly in the 220s by that date. We will see, but no more excuses about eating better. My posts until then will focus on my eating, exercise, and my goals for each week.