Another good week…I think. I don’t really have any "proof." I haven’t weighed, and I haven’t measured any of the
food that I’m eating, or counted any calories. I’m two weeks into the “experiment” with myself, and I
have to say that my Sabotaging Mind tries to fight me (the logical one) all the
time. Sabotaging Mind wants to get on the scale; it really wants proof that I
know what I’m doing! But I am denying myself, because I need to learn something
really critical from the experiment. I need to learn how to trust myself. I
figured that out this week. I don’t
trust myself.
What I don’t need is more nutritional training. I know the
protein count on almost everything, I know high fiber from low, which starches
are high on the glycemic index, what contains saturated fat, how many calories
to eat per day, how much the recommended guidelines are for almost every
stinking food that I put in my mouth. But, I still don’t trust myself. Sabotaging
Mind says, “You better weigh! You are probably gaining weight doing this crazy
experiment! You are wasting 6 weeks on this silly idea!”…“You better measure
that! You can only have a quarter cup of those nuts!”…“You can’t trust yourself.
Look! You’re fat! And you’re gonna ‘trust’ yourself!”
I second guess myself all the time. But not weighing and
measuring has given me some freedom. I’m still watching what I eat…and I know
that I’m not all willy-nilly binging and stuffing myself. I’m being very
careful. I mean after all, it’s my own self-trust that’s at stake. If I get on
the scale after 6 weeks and don’t lose my 10
pounds, then Sabotaging Mind was right all along…I really can’t trust
myself! But, if I get on and the scale says, “Yay! Job well done! You’re 225!”
then I guess I need to have a long talk with that self-doubting, untrusting,
manipulative, heckling Sabotaging Mind of mine. For another four weeks, though,
we’ll just keep bickering with each other.
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