Kori's check in 9/30/12

I find it funny how simlar Denice and my journeys have been to this point. We both have struggled with weight all of our lives and we both have had health issues that made us rethink what we are doing to our bodies. I knew when we started this process it was going to be a lifetime committment.

I hit my total loss of 49 pounds in May and I have lost three more overe the summer, which is not where I thought I would be but I have discovered that I am thrilled with it. I have maintained this weight loss longer than any other in my past. I love that both Denice and I had the same down time and we both came out the other side at the same weight we started. I am ready to recommit to remaining healthy and losing more weight.

I met with my diabetes provider and he is thrilled with me. He agreed that if my numbers look good in March, he will take me off of all of my medication. Yay.

I commit to at least two organized classes per week at my office, they have zumba, circuit training and boot camps to choose from.

Bring it on!!!!!

A pretty good week (Den)

I’m eating very well lately. I have really cut down on the refined carbohydrates. I try to view them as treats that I don’t often have. They are like “desserts” to me. I don’t have as much of a sweet-tooth as I do a starch-tooth. On my “generally banned” list, I have placed bread, noodles, granulated sugar (but,  uh, we won’t talk about yesterday at the Chinese restaurant!!). But anyway…if I have a craving for starch, then I try to go to a whole food source first – potatoes or beans – but for me, even those things can get out of control quickly, so I try to be careful when I eat them.

My goals for this week include adding some exercise back into my life. I’ve been pretty active with life in general, but not with routine exercise. I’m gonna try to fit 3 sessions into this upcoming week. I did exercise on Tuesday and Thursday this past week. My legs were killing me! The weather is turning gorgeous around San Antonio. I need to try and take advantage of it for the next couple of months. 

I bought a new pair of pants yesterday. They are still size 18, but I thought that I didn't look so terrible in that full length mirror. That's an unusual thought for me, as I generally see myself as "huge." I go out of my way to avoid seeing myself in full length mirrors, but it wasn't so bad yesterday, and I think having a better self-image might be an integral part of the weight loss process, rather than an end result.

Back on track! (Den)

I decided that today is my official weigh-in, and I’m happy to report that I am 213.6 pounds…the lowest I’ve been for quite some time. It means that I am losing new weight once again. In the last decade, my lowest weight was 205 about 7 years ago (I haven't been below 200 in well over 20 years). So, 205 is a small milestone marker that I am looking forward to reaching before the holidays get here.

With this weigh day on the books, I will not record another weight for about 4 weeks. For me, it is just imperative that I stay off that scale! I can’t handle the fluctuations that come along with daily or even weekly weigh-ins. Monthly seems to work for me, but I hope to keep posting progress reports on other topics.

I have to say that I am thrilled with the fact that I haven’t gained back my 46 pounds. Yes, I have been on a bit of a self-imposed plateau, but I’m coming to terms with the way that I lose weight. I do well in this sporadic weight-loss pattern -- I lose for a while, I get bored and stop trying, I bob along at the same weight, then I start back at it. But I have to admit that although I didn’t plan to stop and start all the time, it seems to be working overall. I would love to just dump all my weight and be done with it, but my body seems to be content with doing things this way, so who am I to complain? After all, I am almost 50 pounds lighter, and that feels pretty darn good.

What can I say? It was summer! I was busy!? (Den)

Ugh. Long time no post. In fact, this weekend fall begins, so this is the only post I've managed to produce all summer. Sorry! But there is good news. I am only 2 pounds up from my low weight, and I’m ready to get going again. I will weigh again some time next week to see if I can rid myself of those couple of pounds, and then I will be off to losing fresh weight once again!

I guess I would say that I am inspired by my mom this past week. She is 199.6 pounds. She hasn’t been below 200 in decades! She’s super excited, and I’m excited for her. She is eating well and walking 2.5 miles several times per week. How can I not be inspired to join in on that? I still remember that feeling of getting below those ten pound marks on the scale, too. It’s a great feeling. But to get below that dreaded hundred pound mark?! Well, that’s just fabulous. And what I really love…that inspiration, giddiness, confidence, and excitement are contagious. It’s a bug that I’m happy to catch!

I’m 216, so in 17 pounds, I can also say that I’m in that ONEderland. It doesn’t seem so far away…not like when I was 260 anyway! 17 pounds sound doable. Even if I’m reasonable about losing, it’s doable by the end of the year; if I’m super committed, maybe I can get it done even sooner than that. So, I’ll check back with the blog in a week or so when I decide to weigh again, and then I will take a weigh-break for a month, but I’ll try to keep posting about other things.

Weigh Day Updates (Den)

OK. So, I was pretty nervous about this weigh-in. I haven’t weighed in a long time, but I haven’t been trying to lose any weight either. If anything, I figured I would really pack on some pounds since I returned to eating “normal” food. To my surprise, I was only up 2 pounds…easily lost if I put half a bit of effort into it. I had to get on the scale several times to verify that I hadn’t gained 20 pounds back!

I won’t say that I have been struggling. No, rather, I just have been lazy about working through my weight loss. I kind of went into maintenance mode for a little while. This seems to be my M.O.: lose for a few weeks, then get bored and maintain for a while as I wait for inspiration to strike again.

I’m actually kind of at peace with the whole thing. I make better choices all the time; my screw-ups are farther in between. We live a mostly vegan lifestyle, especially with at-home meals. I treat myself occasionally (had a milkshake just two days ago!), and I refuse to feel guilty about that because they are not daily treats. While I am not dumping weight at a record pace, I also don’t engage the stress of losing weight…something that has always seemed to haunt me. This is a new feeling for me - one which only came along after I quit getting on the scale every day; I really like not fretting about my weight all the time. 

Check In-Kori

     I haven't posted for quite a while. I have been disinterested in the weight loss process for the past several weeks as other things have crowded it out. I have maintained my weight and even lost a few ounces here and there. I am only 8 ounces from the 50 pound mark. I have allowed these other things to keep me from not sleeping enough and not getting exercise. It's amazing how stress/time demands can creep in and take over. I declare war on them today and I will get a grip on my life and my health again.
     I am proud of myself that I have continued to eat relatively well and not allowed myself to eat my frustration. That is huge for me. I continue to see my health counselor and that helps a lot too.
     I will cook well this week, fit in four days of thirty minutes of exercise and sleep at least 7.5 hours per night. That is my promise to myself.

Week 19 Updates (Den)

What a week! Goodness, I came off my cleansing and went nuts eating! On a positive note, I kept up with my exercise, and I have lived a fulfilling vegan week. I have to buckle down now, though, so that I don’t gain weight eating so much yummy food. Even good food can make ya fat. It’s a good thing that I don’t have weigh-in right now.

I think I would like to officially move my weigh days to 5 days after my “monthly, you-know-what” thing. That seems like it would be the most consistent, accurate time to weigh. So, instead of the 15^th of the month (an arbitrary date), I may take another month or so hiatus from the scale. I just feel a lot better not relying on my scale numbers. I get a little scale withdrawal every now and then, but overall, it’s just better this way for me.

Oh, and, Kudos to my boys! They have lived with vegan dinners for 9 days now. They have been good sports…trying a variety of mysterious foods (at least to them). They have had tempeh, green apple chili, lentil loaf, mashed cauliflower and potatoes, pad Thai and kimchee, aloo gobi, and zucchini balls. Surprisingly, they have actually liked everything!  Next week, I will be introducing them to seitan, bean burgers, quinoa tabbouleh, polenta, and falafel pitas. I know they had pepperoni pizza for lunch one day, but other than that, they have been surprising good about eating vegan supper. The problem is – dinner has been so delicious. Can anybody remind me about that thing…you know…uh…portion control…yeah, that’s it!

Look at Us! (Den)

I just love to load up our blog and see these two side by side photos of our new, improved bodies! Look at my best friend! She looks AWESOME! Not just in the body, but in the smile and the clothes and the self-confidence. That's beautiful! It's not always easy to stay on the straight and narrow...even when our health is at stake, but we have done well and that's something that we can be proud of. Kori: you keep it up, because you are so worth it! Even when it is rediculously busy, don't forget that you have to put yourself first in order to keep giving all of it away. The more energy you have, the more productive you can be. Hang in there. I'm super proud of you!

(Kori)Saturday weigh in

I have been feeling complacent the last couple of weeks. I have had my middle daughters graduation, a friends wedding and many changes at work. I also signed up for school again. I have had to put a lot of energy and effort into keeping up and excercise and eating really well have fallen by the wayside a bit. I know that in the past I would used this hectic time to eat myself stupid, which would have made me ill. I did maintain good habits and I have lost weight but only in ounces. I feel the stress on my body and my mind and I am ready to refocus and get busy. I also have found that now that all of my clothes fit and I can purchase clothes in the store again, it is easier to not be so focused. I decided to purchase an adorable outfit that was 2 sizes smaller so that I have other goals and I will continue to do this. It's helps in two ways, expense; now that I have lost weight and all of my clothes fit, I will need to begin purchasing all new clothes from here on out, motivation; my reasons for wanting to be fit are morphing a bit. I have gotten my numbers under control but now I have fitness goals I want to attain. So here is to a new, less stressful week and getting a grip!

Week 18 Update (Den)

It’s been a pretty good week. I finished up with my cleansing on Wednesday, and I found out how much I had lost. But the euphoria has faded, and I am ready to buckle down and integrate certain foods back into my life. I tried coffee, but it really upset my stomach for about 4 hours. So, I am not going back to it…I’ve switched to tea in the mornings. I am not purchasing any additional quick veggie foods like Boca burgers and Chik’n patties.  I am making my own stuff – bean burgers, seitan, falafel, etc.

My stomach hasn’t been pleased to be back on “regular” foods, despite my trying to be careful. My Thai food restaurant adventure produced a whole lot of gastro-instestinal troubles the next morning (and I only had stir-fried veggies with tofu cubes). My tempeh “TLT” sandwiches (although very tasty) upset my belly, too. The sourdough might have been the culprit on that one! At any rate, I think it will take some time for everything to normalize.

I won’t weigh again for a month, and I’m hoping that I can produce a 5 pound loss in that time. I’m not too worried about it, though. I feel a huge sense of relief not having to confront my scale too often. Mostly, I just want to keep up with my workouts, continue to eat good food, and not let things bother me mentally. I think that the weight will release if I just follow that plan. 

Weigh Day!!! (Den)

Boo-yah! Sabotaging, negative, pessimistic mind needs to shut-up once and for all! My restart was a success! Technically, I am still going for 2 more days, but I want to put my weigh days on the 15^th of every month, so I weighed today. I am really excited to keep moving forward, and even more excited to bring the boys on board with my new vegan dinner menus. I have to say that this experiment with myself was very insightful and motivating, not only because I lost weight, but because I feel pretty darn good. Here are some of my results:

-          Lost 20 pounds…I’ve lost 46 pounds altogether!

-          Shrank into my size 18s

-          Lost 2.5 inches off my waist

-          Lost 3.5 inches off my hips

-          Lost 1.5 inches off each thigh

-          No more insomnia meds

-          Fasting Blood Sugar was 79 (Doc said I was prediabetic a few years ago)

-          No more high blood pressure

-          Very reduced abdominal pain

-          Donated a ton of clothes to Goodwill

-          Went from 0 workouts to over 200 minutes of cardio per week

I have to say that I was pretty darn surprised to lose that much. I really wanted 10 pounds, and I was nervous to get on the scale because I wasn't sure if I would get it. I had to get on the scale a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing the numbers wrong. I'm really happy with all the results, not just the weight loss. Yay!

Week 17 Updates (Den)

I cannot say how excited I am that I have nearly finished 6 weeks of food elimination & cleansing! Wednesday will be my final day, and I am going to have Thai food at my favorite little restaurant on Thursday. They make a wicked bowl of veggies and tofu cubes that I am craving…I have not eaten at a restaurant since I began this reset, and I am looking forward to the treat.

I’ve been doing really well, but I still feel a little hesitation about getting on the scale and seeing if I made my goal or not. I am looking for that digital read of 224. I have really worked hard these past few weeks, and I want the proof in the numbers! Despite not knowing, I did see myself in a full-length mirror yesterday and I was surprised at my reflection. I actually saw a difference in my shape. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I’m pretty sure that I look different than I did a few weeks ago.

I have no reservations about the last 6 weeks. I’ve done everything that I could, and I’ve met all my goals for the reset. I’ve worked hard physically, stuck to my easting plan, and given it everything that I possible could give. Still, I’m ready to begin bringing back certain foods into my life. I’ll make a mid-week post on Wednesday to announce whether or not the scale cooperated with my reset plan! Regardless, I feel great and I’m proud of my accomplishment.

Kori Saturday Update

Wow lot's has been happening. My oldest daughter starts college in two weeks so I have been helping her down this path with all the extra paperwork etc. I have registered for my summer classes and I have been helping my two youngest finish up their year. It is official Abby has all her credits and will graduate May 15th 1 year early!!!! Now I only have 1 child in high school! Also Becky will be 21 this month, I am amazed and awed at the journey we have had with her and the awesome person she has turned into. My youngest Hailee started the year behind in credits and has managed to recapture most of what she needs and is looking forward to joining the other two in college.
I also have had a major change at work that opens a huge opportunity for me to advance, so I am looking forward to what transpires from this.
Through all of this I have managed to continue to lose weight and staybalanced in my eating. Exercise is the one thing that I have still been unable to master on a regular basis, I have added in things like taking the stairs, parking farther away, walking every day at lunch, which I know are all major improvements but what I crave is that exercise you enjoy and sweat and come out of feeling great. I will continue to search for it.
All in all, I feel great and I am so enjoying sharing this experience with my oldest friend. Den, you inspire me. Keep up the great work!!!!!!

Week 16 Update (Den)

This has been another really good week for me. I’m in control of my eating and my exercising. Since I knew I was doing a six week “reset” plan, I have incorporated small goals that build upon each other each week. This week, I brought my exercise up to 50 minutes. I wrapped my bad knee and added an upper body cardio boxing routine. I’m feeling pretty tough!

I only have about a week and a half left of my cleansing diet. I’m ready to be done! But it’s a bitter-sweet feeling. I haven’t had any refined products, and I think I’ll keep going with that decision. I like the whole-foods concept of eating. I’m anxious to get the boys eating vegan dinners. They are not planning to go vegan in their lives, but just eat vegan for supper. They are surprisingly excited to try some of my recipes!

Not weighing has been difficult at times. Colton has lost a couple of pounds, and he keeps telling me, “Mommy, I can tell that you’ve lost weight, too. You are gonna be so happy when you get on the scale.” That kills me! But I really want to achieve my goal, so I’m staying off of it. I can see my mini-finish line…just 12 more days.

Blood Pressure (Den)

The time has come for me to reduce my blood pressure medication. I’ve been keeping close tabs on it the last couple of weeks, and it consistently runs about 100/60 with a pulse at 60 BPM (the low side of normal). Normal BP used to be 120/80, but I know the experts have reduced that a bit; anyway, low is considered 90/60. So, I’m approaching the low end.

I take a small dose of beta blocker, and I’m a little anxious about withdrawing from it because it also controls my tachycardia and migraines. I’m going to begin (next week) by dividing the dose, and hope that I don’t have those problems return. While I recognize that the advice of a doctor is recommended, I know that she would tell me to do the same thing (as I have withdrawn from this medication before under doctor supervision).

Yet, it can be hard to let go of things that we cling to like a security blanket. For example, I’ve had insomnia for years, and although I have prescription drugs for it, they freak me out and I just take OTC pills. Well, I quit taking them about two weeks ago, and to my surprise, my insomnia seems to have gone the way of the do-do. I’m still leery about its return, but for now, it seems to be under control. I’m hoping I can get those same results as I step down from my HBP pills, too.

Updates for Week 15 (Den)

A really great week! Colton’s schooling has gone remarkably well, and my folks gave us a really awesome gift that will make my life so much better; I spent days at the zoo, the park, the museum, hiking, exercising. I even donated some of my old “fat” clothes. I tried on the shorts that I wore all last summer, and they didn’t fit at all. I could actually pull them off without unzipping them! Trying on my old clothes has given me some extra motivation. I think that I might be back into my size 18s in the next few weeks…I’m getting really close! At my highest weight, I was a 24 (borderline 26), so it will be awesome to officially drop out of the 20s.

I announced to the boys that when I come off this cleansing program in three weeks – when I start integrating some of the things I’ve totally eliminated – I will not prepare meat for them at dinner. If they want meat, they can have it for lunch, or eat it when we go out for dinner, but I’ll be cooking vegan for them and me. They took the news very well, and while I expect there will be a certain amount of hesitation, I think they can tolerate the “ordeal.” I guess you could say that I’m going to force their support! OK, so sue me, LOL!

I’ve been working out pretty consistently. The pain in my side feels much better. It’s not gone, but I hardly notice it, and I hope that is a good sign that I am healing from whatever has been bothering me. I’m overall impressed with my results this week: I feel good! Really, that’s the only measure of success right now, and I'll take it.

Kori update

I forgot to update Saturday because I literally ran from morning till night. I lost 4 oz this week and it took me from the the 280's to the 270's. I have been overly busy and a bit stressed and I can feel it. I am proud that I have been eating well, even on the most busy days. No fast food, no stuffing my mouth with whatever I can reach. I have continued to be conscious of what I eat and how it makes me feel. I am proud of Den for restructuring her plan and getting back on it. Hang in there. Love you.

No weigh day! (Den)

I still have not jumped on the scale, although I will confess that I was sorely tempted the other day! My mom called after she saw this picture of me, and said that I really looked as though I had lost some weight, and she wanted to know how much. I told her that I didn’t know since I hadn’t gotten on the scale in weeks, and didn’t plan on weighing for several more. She said it was “stupid” not to weigh for so long, but I disagree. I’ve been doing so much better since I stopped fretting over that scale! Weigh day has always been about excuses for me…an excuse to eat out if I did well, and an excuse to beat myself up (and eat!) when I do poorly. Now, my only gauge of progress is the way my clothes fit, and that is working just fine.

We all have to try on different things while we go through this process. No single plan is going to fit everybody. Everyone has different needs, and I respect that. Doing something “different” freaks people out. I don’t know why. But the hardest thing in life is to figure out what YOU have to do, and not what OTHERS should be doing. The weight…the obesity (I hate that word!)…is not about food. It’s about your mind, your personal history, your physical and spiritual needs. Eating and being fat – at least for the obese – is just a symptom. One can treat the symptoms (diet and lose weight), but the underlying issues won’t go away without some deeper, more complex changes. That is what I am trying to do…mentally refocus and learn what triggers MY eating.

Updates for Week 14 (Den)

Another good week…I think. I don’t really have any "proof." I haven’t weighed, and I haven’t measured any of the food that I’m eating, or counted any calories. I’m two weeks into the “experiment” with myself, and I have to say that my Sabotaging Mind tries to fight me (the logical one) all the time. Sabotaging Mind wants to get on the scale; it really wants proof that I know what I’m doing! But I am denying myself, because I need to learn something really critical from the experiment. I need to learn how to trust myself. I figured that out this week. I don’t trust myself.

What I don’t need is more nutritional training. I know the protein count on almost everything, I know high fiber from low, which starches are high on the glycemic index, what contains saturated fat, how many calories to eat per day, how much the recommended guidelines are for almost every stinking food that I put in my mouth. But, I still don’t trust myself. Sabotaging Mind says, “You better weigh! You are probably gaining weight doing this crazy experiment! You are wasting 6 weeks on this silly idea!”…“You better measure that! You can only have a quarter cup of those nuts!”…“You can’t trust yourself. Look! You’re fat! And you’re gonna ‘trust’ yourself!”

I second guess myself all the time. But not weighing and measuring has given me some freedom. I’m still watching what I eat…and I know that I’m not all willy-nilly binging and stuffing myself. I’m being very careful. I mean after all, it’s my own self-trust that’s at stake. If I get on the scale after 6 weeks and don’t lose my 10  pounds, then Sabotaging Mind was right all along…I really can’t trust myself! But, if I get on and the scale says, “Yay! Job well done! You’re 225!” then I guess I need to have a long talk with that self-doubting, untrusting, manipulative, heckling Sabotaging Mind of mine. For another four weeks, though, we’ll just keep bickering with each other.

Cleansing and more cleansing! (Den)

I’ve been working out every day this week, albeit not too long or too hard since I am just moving back into this phase of my plan. My abdomen doesn’t feel great, and there is still a nagging pain down on the right side. But whether it’s an ovarian cyst, a ruptured small intestine, bladder cancer, or an alien probe, I can’t just sit around and let it stop me from my fitness goals. I don’t think the pain is any worse when I work out, so I’ll just keep plugging along.

I’ve fallen into a nice rhythm with my cleansing program. It doesn’t seem nearly as hard as it did the first few days. I have found that I actually will NOT die if I don’t have coffee, iced tea, gluten, refined sugar, processed foods, etc. I pretty much live on fruits, veggies, and nuts for now (but not peanuts). It’s not really sustainable for me, though. I never thought it would be. I needed to clean out my bowels to see if I could shake this pain out. I’m dedicated to finishing what I’ve started now that it doesn’t feel as difficult. When I finish my 6 weeks, I’ll decide what I want to do about adding things back into my diet.

The boys both said that they noticed my face had lost weight over these past two weeks. Man, I hope that is a good sign of a happy scale moment when I finish!

Saturday Weigh In (Kori)

This is my first post in a while since I have been on vacation. I feel fantastic!!! I have continued to lose weight and I have hit the 40 pound mark! I did very well on vacation with eating and exercise. I had a wonderful time with my husband and we reconnected in a way that was amazing. I really am grateful for him. I come home from this refreshing trip with a renewed energy and vision of what I need to do. I purchased my next goal outfit so I have something else to work toward.
Happy Saturday everyone!

Week 14 Updates (Den)

I’ve been completely on-track this week. I have denied myself a good number of things, and I feel better for it. Many people tell us that we shouldn’t deny ourselves, but frankly, I think I would do well to deny myself a lot more! I am a creature of lazy luxury. I want to laze around and indulge in whatever my mind says it wants. If it wants a half gallon of ice cream, well then, where’s the spoon?! I mean, gee whiz, I wouldn’t want to “deny” myself.

I’ve noticed that my nose is working overtime. I smell the yummy food that Colton and Todd eat (which seems to be ALL THE TIME), and I want to rip my hair out and run the other way because the temptation is so great. I think I am waking up to the fact that I fell off this program because the boys were no longer supporting me. True, they kept encouraging me, but they didn’t adhere to the “plan” and that made it harder for me, and I gave-up. It’s not their fault; but, eating better has to be a FAMILY priority. Now, I have to walk the road alone (but I hope to inspire them through my actions). I have to figure out the way to move forward, because the boys can’t lead me where I need to go.

I haven’t weighed; I won’t weigh. Oh man, it’s killing me. But, I want to take these next five weeks to really test myself in this respect. I have to get past the “diet” mentality. I stopped counting calories, too. I’m just living the way that I think I am supposed to live. It seems like such a monumental thing to let go of the tracking, logging, measuring, and weighing. I DON’T think giving up logging and tracking is for everybody. I think it is for ME, because I’m obsessed with it, and that can’t be good. I hope I can stick to this part of my commitment. 

Den's Update

I didn’t update last week. Boo on me. Frankly, I’ve been a bit of butt. I am half-butting this weight-loss lately, and I know that I am. I let little things dissuade me from keeping on track. I think that if I have done well for a day or two, I am somehow entitled to a “day off.” That is old diet thinking right there. I have a list of excuses a mile long! I have evaluated those excuses and decided that while some are truly valid reasons for not exercising, they fall apart in regards to eating. I don’t have a single good excuse as to why I should eat poorly!

Anyway, I am making some really radical changes right now. Not just with weight-loss, but with how I run my life. I’m organizing better for Colton’s schooling, I am writing again (trying for a couple of hours a day), and I am going to try and get my previous year’s taxes done (so I can do the current ones!). I have started the project, but it’s overwhelming as 2010 was a rough year for us, and the taxes are pretty messy. But, I have started! Anyway, all of this is my attempt to forego the excuses that I love to make.

I have also decided to not live for my scale. When I gain, I have an excuse to eat; when I lose, I have an excuse to eat. I have decided not to weigh again until May 16th. Yes, May 16^th. It is the deadline I have placed upon myself for some other things, so why not weigh-in on that day as well. If I do well, stick to my plans, and focus, I should be solidly in the 220s by that date. We will see, but no more excuses about eating better. My posts until then will focus on my eating, exercise, and my goals for each week.

Numbers Update Kori

My numbers are beautiful!!!! My triglycerides are down by 150 points and I am within 5 points of normal. My good cholesterol is up and my bad is down, also within in normal. My liver enzymes are good. It was an all around very encouraging visit. WOOHOO!!!!
Now that's incentive to keep going for sure.

Kori's weigh in

I lost 2.8 pounds this week so that brings me to a total of 35 pounds lost. I feel great. I know that I still have a lot of weight to lose and I am trying to really look at the long term of it all. I bought myself some new clothes, a size smaller and if I hit 40 pounds before I go to Nevada, I am going to get my self 2 Coach purses at the outlet instead of 1. I am happy to have some weight off before we go to the Grand Canyon so I can move around while I am there and not feel like I am dying. :) I have met all of my first month goals with my health counselor and I am well on my way to my three month goals. I still battle with stress and lack of sleep but it's better and I know better how to control it. I know we each have our time where it goes really well and those times where we struggle, I am trying to equip myself with as much knowledge and strength as I can to get through the struggles.
Looking forward to the next chapters in life.........

Updates: Week 10 (Den)

I’m skipping my weigh in because I don’t think it is as accurate as it could be. Unfortunately, we decided to have pizza, blue cheese salads, and milkshakes…A LOT OF FOOD.  Yeah, eat til you almost pop amounts of food; a miserable amount of food. My rings are so tight from the water retention that I may need them cut off!  Ok, not that bad, but still! Very bad decision on my part, I know – especially right before weigh day.

Oddly enough, I had an alright week. Some days I was pretty good, some days not so great. Obviously yesterday qualifies as “not so great.” Point is, I don’t want to weigh and make myself feel bad for a few pounds of water weight, so this is a strategic decision on my part. I might check in the middle of the week, but if I check Saturday morning, knowing I weigh more, and then I’ll give myself license to eat all weekend. This way, I wonder about it all weekend, but don’t have the excuse that I often use to blow an entire weekend on eating junk food.

I’m just not gonna play into that scale-anoia this week. It’ll just about kill me to not weigh. I’m scale junkie. There is a gal on my internet diet board that switched to weighing once every two weeks, and I that might be something I would like to try. I don’t know if this no-weigh will help or hurt me, but I’ll let you know next post. 

Den's updates

Man, have I been slacking! I feel pretty motivated this week, though. I lost a half pound last week, but found it this week, so I've got nada...and after a weekend of pizza and muffins, I probably have a gain to contend with at this point.

I did start my period, which is helpful because I've been having a lot of problems with my "parts." I thought it was my back, but when my back never improved, I realized I was likely dealing with PCOS again, and that I probably have an ovarian cyst that is twisting and making trouble for me. My last go around with a badly cystic ovary was a couple of years ago and it took months for the pain to subside. In the meantime, though, I'm stressed and worried because I have not been to the doctor to confirm my self-diagnosis. So, I don't sleep well, I have an incredible amount of tension in my body, and I'm mentally fatigued.

I'm using pain as an excuse to blow my diet. I mean -- really -- how does overeating and not exercising improve my pain situation? It doesn't. So, pain -- although real -- is not a valid excuse to quit eating healthy (it may be a valid excuse not to exercise). It doesn't make sense to eat poorly because I don't feel well.

I've tried to get out of the house more this week. I planted the garden, I weeded, I painted the house. Anything to keep my mind off of the ache in my abdomen. I believe that I am feeling a bit better. I was reading Exodus early this past week, and I paused on a portion of 15:26 where it says that God heals. He was saying that He heals the Hebrews who follow Him, but I think He's capable of healing us still. I'm gonna cling to that this week. I'll try to be a mustard seed this week. I will try.

Saturday Weigh In (Kori)

My weight stayed the same this week. I am expecting to start my period any minute and I am cranky and bloated. It has been a busy week with meals later than usual. It's funny how even though we know what we need to do to keep on top of things, we let stress and lack of time take over. I have been better about my time management but sometimes your week just presents more things than you had planned. That was this week for me. I feel good that I did not gain. I have spent today trying to regroup and do some meal planning. I am optomistic.

Weigh In (Kori)

I lost three pounds this week so I am at 32.2 I think, maybe 32.8, it's written down upstairs. I feel good, my cleanse went well. I did not lose a large amount but I really feel energized and healthy. My stomache is much flatter :)  I look forward to my test results when they come back at the end of the month. I have met my first month goals with my health counselor. Now I am looking to firm up this month before I head to Las Vegas with my husband on the 30th. It will be nice to have some downtime together. Have a good week. Den, feel better and take care of yourself.

Week 9: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I lost the weight that I gained (almost 2 pounds), so I’m back to 26 pounds lost, and it feels good to get that 26 back on my site sticker. I’m pretty happy with that, and I’d love to see some new weight loss this week. But, I won’t be particularly sad if I don’t lose weight. I have not been exercising, so I feel that while I am missing that component, I should not be overly expectant of losing pounds. I did try to work in the yard over the weekend…lugged around rocks, and raked, and weeded. My legs are still hurting!

FOOD: Honestly, I’ve just been maintaining along without much regard for tracking. I think that not tracking at this point is not a great idea. I would like to continue monitoring. I don’t want to be obsessed, but tracking calories does keep me aware of my goals. So, this is a goal for the remainder of the week…to return to more consistent tracking.

Weigh in (Kori)

Another good week. I bought a planner, used it and started a liver cleanse today. I lost 1 pound this week, so I am 8 ounces from 30 pounds!!! Not bad for 2 months. I am feeling great and have been getting to the gym. My husband and I are doing the cleanse and he had a blow out last meal last night. I stuck with what  I usually eat. This morning he asked me why. I realized that this cleanse does not mean I am not going to ever eat again so I did not feel the need to overeat or eaat foods that would make me feel icky today. I have more at stake now, my health and my happiness. I have not had heartburn for 2 months, this used to be a daily occurance. I will post mid week and let you know how the cleanse is going.

Saturday weigh in (Kori)

Drumroll..........I lost.........5 pounds this week!!!!! I am excited. I knew the last couple weeks had been rough and I felt like the stress and emotions were really affecting me and once i let some things go, my body let the weight go as well. I learned something from my health counselor this week. She tole me "Kori "NO" is a complete sentence" That is some awesome advice. I tend to be a people pleaser and take on too much. I need to manage my time better so I don't get so overwhelmed. It's a work in progress. One thing I will do is buy a small date book for my purse. I use my outlook from work on my phone for work appts but I am not good at using it for personal dates which tend to be the ones that get me stressed out cause I have too many. I will get a calendar and make sure I don't double book myself or schedule things too closely. One step at a time. Now I am off to the gym with my honey.

Week 8: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I finally did it…I gained 1.8 pounds. But ya know, it’s not as bad as it sounds. As I said earlier this week, I was up 4 pounds, so I’m better than I was! I’ve had my act together the last few days, and I am optimistic that the 1.8 will be gone quickly and I’ll be back to working on fresh, new pounds. Hey, sometimes when you lose weight, it finds you again…like it has a built-in GPS! I’ll try to give it the ol’ slip one more time.

FOOD:  I juiced up a big batch of green juice, pulled out my favorite snack food (almonds), and stopped going out to eat. These are good, positive steps towards recovering from this week’s gain. I hope to have good news to report next week.

Overeating is really a mental thing with me. I do love food, but it’s more than that. When I lose my focus, I tend to just keep hurting myself. If I eat a few Doritos, my mind tells me that I should “hurry up and eat the whole bag” so it’s not a temptation anymore. That’s warped. I know. It’s the same way with blowing my diet one day…I feel like I might as well blow it for the week. It isn’t logical at all (and I’m a pretty logical gal), so I don’t understand how I let myself fall into this same trap over and over. I’m not giving up on myself this time. I’m gonna keep returning to healthy choices until THOSE CHOICES are the habits that I can’t seem to break. I won’t give-up, Kori! I’m gonna do this with you! You just wait and see!

Week 7: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I didn’t lose anything at weigh-in Saturday, but that is my own fault. I’m not making excuses, but I will say what happened. We’ve been down a vehicle for weeks. That means that Todd and I are sharing my Jeep, and it also means that we are frequently in the vehicle together. Bad combination. It doesn’t take much to get me to stop and eat out, and Todd is always hungry!

FOOD:  We finally found a 4runner for Todd, so he is back to driving his own rig. As of Tuesday, I have my Jeep back to myself and I am taking restaurants off of my to-do list! You cannot control the portions or the ingredients. Sure, it’s fine to eat out once a week or something, but beyond that, it’s hard to manage a diet around restaurant eating…at least it is for me. No matter my intentions, I eat too much even when I order good things. And when the boys are ordering appetizers and desserts, I want in. It’s always super hard to eat vegan – vegetarian is doable, but vegan is hard (butter, cheese, cream, etc. are often part of the vegetarian restaurant fare). Restaurants don’t work for me, so I must bid them farewell.

Today is Wednesday, and I took a peek at the scale which says I’ve gained 4 pounds in the last few days. I know there’s some water retention in there, but some of it is real, legitimate weight gain. So, I’m going back to my plan and I will weigh on Saturday, and hope for improvement over today’s number, but won’t be surprised to see a gain this week.

I’m not giving up. I couldn’t seem to stop this backslide quickly enough, but I’m gonna dust myself off and refocus. I hope I don’t have to report a 4 pound gain on Saturday.

Busy week (Kori)

This week I lost 2 ounces.

It has been busy and stressful and I was unprepared. These all led to us eating later meals that were hastily thrown together. I am going to spend today getting ready for the week. My house is a mess and that also throw me into fits and nothing seems settled. As a family we are going to take care of the piles and catch up on the laundry. These two things can throw me into a tailspin. I do not work well in chaos. Actually, I should explain....I am a neat freak. Things have a place and when they are not there it gives me fits. I have tried to lighten up and I have, a little.

So on to a new week of feeling no stress, eating better and be prepared.

Weigh in (Kori)

Finally!!!!! I am under 300 pounds!
I am excited and I never ever want to see the 300's again. I managed to get through a nasty cold, a memorial service and celebration of life, a visit with the husband of a friend who ended her own life 4 years ago, and a lunch and a movie out without breaking my diet and I kept my blood sugars intact. It was an emotional weekend and that on top of being sick would generally be a recipe for disaster.
As an emotional eater, I have to be soooo careful at times like these. I got through it by being resolved, prepared and focused. I reasoned with myself that I felt bad and my heart hurt but did I need to feed it? Would that make the pain go away? Thankfully, this time the answer was no. Instead I surrounded myself with friends and family. I am blessed by all those people around me who support and encourage me.
I ordered two new books about nutrition, one is about the importance and benefits of greens and the other is on cooking with whole foods. I look forward to getting them.
I weighed in at 298.0 which is a weight loss of 2.4 since last week. On to another successful week!
Den, great job on your 4 pounds. Hope you had a wonderful day with your family.

Week 6: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I had to lose weight this week because I said, “If I don’t lose weight, then I’m not eating any pizza at my own pizza party Saturday.” I LOVE PIZZA, but don’t eat it very often because I rarely indulge in cheese now. But, Saturday is an exception, because we are going for pizza!!! I lost 4 pounds this week. I don’t encourage food rewards, so I see my pizza date as more of a goal challenge -- I’m not going to eat pizza because I lost weight…I lost weight to make sure I could eat pizza. See the difference? No? Well, I’m still going for pizza!

EXERCISE:  My exercise is lacking due to the damage in my back. I stood while teaching Thursday (about 3 hours) and my back, hip, and thigh ached terribly. Then I caught that cold, and the congestion has now taken up residence in my lungs and spawned my asthma troubles, requiring me to break-out my inhaler and live on mucinex for the time-being. Last night I drank and breathed a hot, steamy cup of lemon water with honey and fresh ginger, and I was amazed at how well I felt. But before that, I was an old, wheezy, crippled woman!! I’m just not ready to return to exercising yet, but I think I'm closing-in on it. My goal for this week is to do arm exercise routines with the weights.

REWARDS: Only 4 more pounds to reach my reward! I haven’t decided what to get…maybe a smaller size!! I really want a Vitamix blender, but they are WAY TOO EXPENSIVE. So, maybe the blender can be a 50 pound reward or a ONEderland reward in 35 more pounds.

FOOD:  I’ve started juicing again, and I’ve gone organic with my juice produce. The boys don’t much like my daily Green GoGo juice – cucumber, celery, kale, green apples, spinach, spirulina algae, lime, and ginger. OK, so it takes a little getting used to, but it’s great for the blood pressure! I didn’t buy any prepackaged foods like boca burgers, soysages, or chk’n patties. AND we are going down to the Whole Foods Market this weekend. Love that store, but it’s on the other side of town and don’t get over there very often (about a 45 min. drive). Luckily, it’s down by the pizza parlor, so we will already be in the neighborhood…which will be a good reminder that pizza is a very rare treat that must take a back seat to my regular nutrition program.

Have a great week!

Mid week (Kori)

I am home today with a nasty cold that is making me feel like poo. Also, lost a dear friends husband to suicide on Saturday. I saw her yesterday and we held each other and sobbed, a very sad and reflective week.

Den, I find it funny how we continue to be on the same page even though we are thousands of miles apart. Adding more greens has been my focus this week and I feel great. I have eaten kale, collards, swiss chard, spinache and napa cabbage this week and I am loving the new flavors.

Had my follow up visit with my provider this week and confirmed what I already knew. I am a model patient :) she told me so. hehe.

Down 21 pounds, blood sugars are great. My first question was "when can I get off the meds"? She started laughing at me and told me to stop being an overacheiver. She said she will not even discuss it with me until my next check up in two months. I was frustrated but I can see her point. I am sure a lot of people go in after the first month and they have improved but it's going to take long term effort for me to get off the meds.

Here's to the long haul.

How long is a fitness journey?? (Den)

Have you ever heard of a “vegangelical?” What a funny little term. It’s applied to vegans who have placed themselves on a high horse and snub their noses at all the “poor, confused, and ignorant” carnivores and ovo-lacto (egg & milk) vegetarians. I don’t want to be veganelical. In fact, I’ll be the first one to tell you that I fall off the vegan-wagon and eat dairy (generally less than once a week), and I eat my own hen’s eggs whenever I feel like it…and, guess what? – Insert Gasp Here – sometimes (albeit rarely), I eat meat.

The fact is, though, as a society, we eat too much darn meat. A good dietician will tell you that a serving is 3-4 oz of lean meat…you know, the ol’ size of a deck of cards thing. Boy, that looks small sometimes, right? Being consciously aware of the small portion allocated to us by these dieticians, who can justify eating that huge cheeseburger? The same goes for all that dairy. It was easy to be an ovo-lacto vegetarian. More CHEESE if you please…and here I am, a fat vegetarian! But, speaking from the position of someone who has virtually eliminated dairy, I’ve found that the change has pushed me towards eating more produce. Frankly, I never had room for those veggies before!

I’m making an effort to change the way I approach life. I’m making small steps towards improving my body. Taking two steps forward, then one step back, still results in forward progress. I’ll get there sooner or later. I want to keep refining my program, tweaking it just here and there until I feel comfortable and happy with it. I want to limit my soy intake, eliminate GMO foods, drink more fresh juices, move towards buying more organic produce, etc. They are just little steps, but like my weight-loss, little changes can result in big improvements as time passes. If you are reading this, then you probably want to make little changes, too – your own list of little changes. This is a fitness journey where the map unfolds as we travel down the path. There are struggles, and pitfalls, and mountains to climb. If you take one step back, you have not landed back where you started; you are just one step away from moving forward again.

Rough week....kinda....(Kori)

I have had some successes this week and some goals not reached.

First, I work in a stressful environment that tends to be reactive instead of proactive. It's something I am working on. My position is newly created so it is still morphing and redesigning . Hope to have it nailed down soon. I love what I do and the people I work with so it makes the unsettled times bearable and sometimes fun. I do love a challenge.

Unfortunately, this sometimes messes with my workout plans. Some days I can go the gym at work and get my 30 minutes, other times, like this week, I barely move from my desk except to attend the gazzilion meetings that get scheduled when things are in chaos mode. I work late, which means I eat late, which then means I don't get enough sleep. Hence a 1 pound weight loss.

Some positives for my week were, I attended the Win to Lose at my office and learned a lot as well as connected with other people around campus who are trying to lose weight as well. Now when we see each other, we can ask how each of us is doing and encourage. Also, I met with my health counselor last night. She had me set 1 month, three month and six month goals. I enjoyed that these were all goals not centered around weight loss but instead around being healthy and balanced. However, I do know these things will result in weight loss.

Overall I feel good. I am on the verge a big milestone for me.....I started this process at 321 pounds, I am only 5 ounces from being under 300. I tend not to share my weight with people, although they know I am fat just by looking at me. Don't know why I delude myself that way. I have decided to remove that and tell the world, or however many readers we have :), how much I really weigh. So today I weigh 300.4 pounds!!!! I will be under 300 next week and my promise to myself is to never return to the 300's. I love myself and my family too much to keep risking my life.

I want to thank Denice, who is going through a rough time, for sticking to it and trying to remain positive. This is what it's about. Self awareness, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses and remaining committed to ourselves. You go girl!!! Love ya.

Week 5: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I was shocked when I got on the scale and discovered I had lost 1.5 pounds this week. It is a bittersweet loss, because I was not a faithful dieter this week. In a perfect dieter world, this is the weight I should have lost last week, and I should have gotten the zero loss on this week.

EXERCISE:  My back is still very messed-up. I only managed to do a 40 minute workout one time, and that hurt the back even more! I wake-up hurting, and I go to bed hurting. I think I’ve damaged a nerve, because the pain comes out the back, but also goes down through the hip and across the front of my thigh. I’m going to be very patient with this injury. I think it may take several weeks to heal properly. Hopefully, I can start integrating some short walks and arm-weight exercises for now.

REWARDS: No news on this front. 8 pounds to go for the next reward!

FOOD: It’s been a battle. Some days, I win; some days, I lose. It’s been a rough week. Our truck broke down, me and my son caught nasty colds, and then the whole back thing. The stress and pain has given me unjust cause to graze, although I’m not actually hungry. Once I’ve eaten something off my program, my brain tells me, “Well, you’ve already messed-up. Let’s eat!” And then I’m off looking for more ways to sabotage myself. But I see the trend, and I’ve staved off the feelings more than once this week, so I’m proud of that. I have a feeling I will make many discoveries about myself over the next several months. Eating my way through STRESS seems to be one of my problems, so I need to focus on stress reduction techniques and managing my cravings when they surface. I’m looking forward to this new week, as I am integrating some juices to the program. Love my juicer, and can’t believe I haven’t been utilizing it lately!

Thanks, but can I trade this week in for a new one? (Den)

What a week. I hate to even begin this mid-week post. Ya know, I want to be positive and upbeat, so that makes me want to hold back from writing my struggles. But that is part of the problem. Life really does just keep happening, and pretending that all is well is sometimes a mistake. So, I'm gonna share these tidbits, but just know that I am not discouraged. I am not done retrieving my health. I am, though, in a holding pattern.

I hurt my back a week ago, and that has proven fatal to exercising. I managed to get a 40 minute low-impact workout done, only to discover that by evening I was felt horrible. My back did not enjoy its reinitiation to exercise. It made my sciatic nerve issue flare-up, and my back, hips, and right leg have a constant dull, deep pain. Sciatica usually takes about two weeks to fade away on me, and exercise will reaggrevate it...so I've taken to doing only arm workouts with weights. Maybe I can get some biceps going!

Our truck broke down, again. So, we are limited to a single vehicle. That stinks because my son and I are generally pretty active during the week, but my husband needs my Jeep for work. We are 15 miles from town, so bike riding down the highway really is not an option for me and the kiddo. No matter anyway, because Colton and I have come down with nasty colds! Feeling sorry for myself encouraged me to a big, fat, dark chocolate bar that my mom sent me for my birthday...which gave me a ton of guilt, but also made me feel like, "well, I already blew it," so I ate a big dinner, too. UGH. Enough of this week. I'm ready for a new one. I hope next week is better! I don't know if I even want to get on the scale this Saturday! OK. Done venting. I'm gonna trudge on through this, weigh-in Saturday, and start a fresh, new week. :)

Life......(Kori)

My life is very busy and this week has proven to be challenging for me. I did lose 3 pounds and I am proud of that but I was not good about preparing my food as well as I have been. More processed foods and quick throw together meals have been on the menu this week.

I am grateful that this afternoon I have time and I am preparing a couple of meals for the week and some things for Sam and I and the kids for lunches.

I did take a positive step by purchasing an extra pair of tennis shoes for the house since I now have a bag at work. This way I always have shoes for the gym. I figure each excuse I eliminate leads to better health for me.

I am beginning to research more natural foods that help with healing the body. I think I am going to start growing wheat grass. Also, I meet with my holistic health counselor next week and we will map out my first cleanse of her program. Looking forward to that.
So, on to a new week and a positive attitude.

Week 4: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  I won’t lie to you…It was disappointing to hop and the scale and lose NOTHING this week. I know, I know…stay strong, it’s okay. I’m just keeping it really honest, though…I was hoping for 2 pounds. I stayed on my program, and I felt like I deserved more love from that hunk of metal that I call my scale! Well, no matter. If I eat well and exercise, the scale will cooperate at some point – it had better cooperate next week or we are going to see how strong my arms have gotten because I’m going launch that thing out the window!

EXERCISE:  Another bummer for this week. I injured myself doing my new TaeBo DVD – “Cardio Explosion.” Too bad that the only thing that really exploded was my back! Apparently, a forty-something year old woman who is still 105 pounds overweight is not fit to do a spinning back-kick while focus-punching in the opposite direction! Too many muscles going too many ways! I am feeling better, so don’t feel too bad for me. But I had to take a few days off my planned exercise schedule. Still, I managed to get 260 minutes of cardio done this week.

REWARDS: I received my immersion blender (and obviously, I received my exercise DVDs, too!). I haven’t used it yet. After I injured my back, I could barely move for a couple of days and have not been cooking. Although I have stayed in my calorie range, I miss being in the kitchen making dinners and such. I’m hoping to get back in there this week.

FOOD:  I wound up eating a lot of pre-prepared frozen stuff, or quickly thrown-together meals. That’s not the way that I want to run this lifestyle change, but ya know, life happens and we have to adapt sometimes. On a good note, I turned down a ton of stuff this week: My son brought me a piece of a cake, and I had a bite and gave it away (along with the lemonade); went to McDonald’s and had a couple of side salads with an unsweetened ice tea; passed up the donut counter even though my son got a huge éclair-like thingy (I had a Krispy Kreme donut last weekend which I planned for and included in my log); and, I did not have a single Cheetoh from the bag my mom sent to my kid. Yes, I had that little tortilla binge early in the week, but I’ve recovered well and I’m proud of that.

NEXT WEEK’S OUTLOOK: So, not my best week thus far, but still a good week considering the spinal blowout. I’m still optimistic -- just a little busted up and bummed out. 

Anniversary Weekend (Kori)

So, I was a bit nervous because it was our 24th anniversary and we were going to celebrate. In the past this celebration would have included a ton of food, no exercise and a bit too much wine. Instead, we discussed ahead of time how we were going to keep ourselves on track and help each other. The timing was good because I had just met with the health counselor and was very motivated. We approached it as a start to our next healthy year together.

We started by having brunch with his family who I enjoy very much. I escaped the basket of baked goodies and went straight for the fruit and yogurt that was very fresh and yummy. Then moved on to the main course where I had two eggs and prime rib has (no hashbrowns). I was satisfied and I got to enjoy the company of my family.

Then.......we went to the gym!!!! That is a first for us. We have never added the gym into our "off"day. I am so proud of us. Then we had an enjoyable evening alone in a hotel room with a gynormous bathtub, in which I soaked two times. We ate well, played games and laughed. It was a wonderful time to reconnect after a very busy couple of months. Oh yeah and I got diamond earrings!

The next morning we got up and went to the breakfast bar. They had waffles, muffins, bagels and I had a moment of panic. Nothing I could eat......so I wiped the drool off, stepped back and looked again. They had whole wheat toast and tablespoon size peanut butter, I skipped the jelly because they all had high sugar content, scrambled eggs, 2% milk and fruit. So that's what I had and I felt great.
Then......we went to the gym AGAIN!!!!!

It was awesome, we came home refreshed, proud of ourselves and relaxed. We made whole wheat tortilla pizzas with the kids and played games. All around it was wonderful and I feel very optomistic about my life, my illness and my ability to have a healthy life.

The Dreaded Binge (Den)

Well, mark this “FIRST” off of my list. You know the one. There’s always a FIRST: first time you break your diet, first time you skip your workout, first time you gain a pound, etc. For me, I needed to get this first binge out of the way. Unfortunately, I know the symptoms of the binge eating nightmare. This time, my binge consisted of one low-carb flour tortilla, three corn tortillas, 1/3 can of refried beans, some lettuce, and some salsa. Doesn’t sound bad, right? As a matter of fact, it didn’t even put me over my calorie limit for the day. But, make no mistake -- it was a binge.

An eating binge is an out-of-control, unexpected indulgence. I nearly inhale my food (making sure no one sees me) and then take measures to hide the evidence afterward. It’s horrible, really. I was just fortunate that a chocolate cake was not in my path!! But, the out of control nature of my tortilla eating was certainly reminiscent of past behaviors. I couldn’t have stopped stuffing those tortillas in my face if my life depended on it!!

Anyway, this blog isn’t about beating myself up; it’s about journaling and exploring how to recover from a lifetime of poor habits. So, let me share the circumstances of the binge. We went hiking (a long, inspiring hike), and then out to a midday Japanese lunch. I had tea, veggie sushi, miso, and tempura veggies. Delicious. But, by 6pm, I was hungry again…it had been at least 3 hours since my lunch. I should have just sat down, planned a meal, and ate. But I was lazy, and waited until 7pm. By then, I was ravenous, and that’s the perfect storm for binge eating. Open frig, insert food. Game over.

I won’t promise that’s my last binge. As a matter of fact, I never make promises…ever…period. But, I will say this: I see what went wrong and I know what inspired this binge, and I will try to not let those circumstances happen again. I’m just going to take a deep breath and learn how to move forward even when my old habits rear their ugly heads. I’m chopping down the weeds, just one at a time; it will take a while to clear the forest. So, yes, I’ll check off that first binge, but I’m also going to check off my first binge recovery.

WEEK 3: Weigh Day and Updates (Den)

WEIGHT LOSS:  Allow me to happily shout BYE-BYE to another 1.5 pounds! I’m super stoked about these pounds, because I am now past the 20 pounds lost mark. I expected the loss to slow; it would be nice to lose 5 pounds a week, but it is surely unrealistic and not sustainable. Plus, I’m exercising quite a bit, and I just KNOW I’m developing muscles underneath this flab layer…they will surface before too long! It will be like taking off a big sweater and finding a curvy, muscle gal underneath.

EXERCISE:  I moved weigh days to Saturday because of my exercise schedule. I generally don’t workout on Friday or Sunday (because we’ve been hiking on Saturday). But starting-out the week with both of my non-workout days on the chart was a little depressing. Now, I start on Saturday with a hike, take Sunday off, and still have one more available day off. We hiked almost 5 miles this past Saturday, and I had a total of 295 minutes of aerobic cardio exercise this week.  

REWARDS:  Well, I’ve hit my “20 POUNDS LOST” mark, so I’m due for my reward! Todd bought me a hydration backpack last week. Now, all three of us have one. So, my reward needed to be something else...hey, a gift can’t count as my reward, right?! I ordered three workout videos – 2 TaeBo, and 1 Biggest Loser Cardio. And, I also get an immersion blender to make my world famous, vegan “refried” beans and some of the yummy soup recipes in Veganomicon (an awesome gift for the vegan in your life!).

FOOD:  I don’t have any complaints in this department. I have been eating all the time, I don’t feel deprived, and the boys have even started eating vegetarian every now and then. I’ve started tweaking my goals since I’ve gotten used to being back on the program…just doing some fine tuning. I’m faithfully recording on a daily basis:

- Calories <1500/day (usually 1200-1300) 
- Carbs at 35 net carbs per meal or less (carbs - fiber = net carbs) 
- Fiber at 20+g/day 
- Fat <50g/day 
- Saturated Fat <10g day
- Eat at least every 3 hours 

That’s it for this week! Bring it on…I’m ready for another one! YEAH BABY!

Health Counselor (Kori)

So, I went and met with a friend of mine who is a health counselor and we spent an hour talking about the food I eat, my lack of exercise and what my goals are. As I was talking to her I realized how much I have already begun to change and that I just need to keep up the momentum. I also made my way to the gym at work today, which was very encouraging. I will do it again tomorrow. I have two coworkers who are joining me. This weekend my husband and I are celebrating our 24 year anniversary and for once we did not plan it all around food. We are going to meet some family for brunch one day but then we are going to the gym. I know that this is going to be a struggle every day but my goal is for it to be less of a struggle each day.

Week two weigh in (Kori)

Sorry it took me so long to get this posted, I have been swamped and literally have only checked my email for the last few days. Usually I roam the internet, Facebook, etc...
So I lost 2.7 lbs at my weigh in on Saturday. I signed up for the Win to Lose program at work and tomorrow I meet with a holistic health counselor. I also begin working out with coworkers tomorrow. I feel like it has been a very successful week and I am proud of where I am headed. My blood sugars are leveling and I am finding I can eat less and be okay with that. Here's to another week of feeling great and motivated.

Shema (Den)

Whenever I attend church, my pastor has a funny little tradition of asking the congregation to recite the Jewish Shema (from Deuteronomy 6:4) with a little Christian twist: “Shema Yisrael, Adonai Elehanu, Adonai Echad; Hear o’ Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One; Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself. Amen.” Christians will likely recognize that Jesus spoke similar words (Matt. 22:37-39). This post is meant to take a look at the bold and underlined area, which at first, appears to be two commands – love God, love your neighbor. But I would like to propose that there are, in fact, three commands – you must also love yourself. If you do not know how to love yourself, you will fall short of loving your neighbor and your God.

What does that have to do with being fat? Well, I asked myself that very question. I don’t think I really have been loving myself in these last couple of decades. When I overeat, I am not loving myself. What am saying here…God doesn’t love fat people. NO! Of course I am not saying that. What I am saying, however, is that I do things to myself that I would NEVER do to my neighbor or my God. I eat too much and then feel guilty, sad, ugly, self-loathing, self-defeating, and self-destructive. I make all sorts of excuses for my poor behavior, and I often push my own care into the future. “I can start that diet and exercise tomorrow, for today I feast!” Then, tomorrow doesn’t come, and I am in the same spiraling cycle of destruction.

Now, I’ve asked myself. Should I love my neighbors as I love myself? I don't think that is in harmony with the Shema. I would never intentionally tear-down someone’s self-esteem like I do to my own self. I would never tell someone to delay feeling well and whole. I hope, rather, that I would encourage that person, love that person, and do whatever I could to help that person. I would motivate, uplift, share that person’s struggle. I would do anything for the ones I love. For my son, I would die. Yet, through my hideous eating habits, my ten year old son - love of my life - has learned to be like me. If I had known how to love myself, then surely I could have loved him better and not shared my destructive habits with him.

So, in honor of this epiphany, I say this:

                Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind;

                Love your neighbor with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind;

                Love yourself with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind;

God dwells in all of us, and loving others and ourselves is the reflection of loving God.

Here’s to a powerful and inspired week of meeting goals, challenges, and opportunities with faith, love, and understanding!