The Dreaded Binge (Den)

Well, mark this “FIRST” off of my list. You know the one. There’s always a FIRST: first time you break your diet, first time you skip your workout, first time you gain a pound, etc. For me, I needed to get this first binge out of the way. Unfortunately, I know the symptoms of the binge eating nightmare. This time, my binge consisted of one low-carb flour tortilla, three corn tortillas, 1/3 can of refried beans, some lettuce, and some salsa. Doesn’t sound bad, right? As a matter of fact, it didn’t even put me over my calorie limit for the day. But, make no mistake -- it was a binge.

An eating binge is an out-of-control, unexpected indulgence. I nearly inhale my food (making sure no one sees me) and then take measures to hide the evidence afterward. It’s horrible, really. I was just fortunate that a chocolate cake was not in my path!! But, the out of control nature of my tortilla eating was certainly reminiscent of past behaviors. I couldn’t have stopped stuffing those tortillas in my face if my life depended on it!!

Anyway, this blog isn’t about beating myself up; it’s about journaling and exploring how to recover from a lifetime of poor habits. So, let me share the circumstances of the binge. We went hiking (a long, inspiring hike), and then out to a midday Japanese lunch. I had tea, veggie sushi, miso, and tempura veggies. Delicious. But, by 6pm, I was hungry again…it had been at least 3 hours since my lunch. I should have just sat down, planned a meal, and ate. But I was lazy, and waited until 7pm. By then, I was ravenous, and that’s the perfect storm for binge eating. Open frig, insert food. Game over.

I won’t promise that’s my last binge. As a matter of fact, I never make promises…ever…period. But, I will say this: I see what went wrong and I know what inspired this binge, and I will try to not let those circumstances happen again. I’m just going to take a deep breath and learn how to move forward even when my old habits rear their ugly heads. I’m chopping down the weeds, just one at a time; it will take a while to clear the forest. So, yes, I’ll check off that first binge, but I’m also going to check off my first binge recovery.